Naivety is no excuse

When we were invited by Maltese metallers, Loathe, to play two gigs in their homeland we had our reservations. Would there be a scene out there? Would we be too extreme? Would Kimbo be able to get a vegan sandwich? On arrival we wondered why the hell we’d even slightly worried. Both gigs were well publicised and were at reputable venues. The level of  musicianship was staggering from the bands supporting us (check out ItEM, Cypher and Insurgence) – we already knew Loathe were sh*t hot – which meant we had no room for error; and most importantly both gigs were packed. Beast, Mark, Budgie, Karl and Kurt had busted their balls to make our experience a truly memorable one and we were treated like kings. We even ended-up in the Malta Sunday Times!!

So I was quite shocked whilst trawling through Twitter – avidly reading about people who’d either forgotten to have breakfast; felt sleepy; or had to tell me they were watching Jeremy Kyle – to come across an incensed tweet from our Maltese metal brothers.

A fellow band from Malta called Dying Signals, who have recently been signed, were interviewed on the Times of Malta website. Naturally they wanted to advertise the fact they have a new album and that they are looking to tour Europe; nothing wrong with that, and I hope the “biggest festivals” come their way and MTV is proud to present them. They even gave a nod to three Maltese metal bands that have managed to get themselves signed and deservedly so… though they seem unable to name them!? (Hopefully, Loathe was one of them.)

Granted Malta isn’t the biggest place in the world and getting any kind of scene there must be a daunting task, but we know first-hand that local bands have sweated blood trying to organise and publicise anything ‘metal’ happening over there.

Enter Dying Signals:

not too interested in the local scene, claiming “there is no point as there is not much of a metal scene here”.

Malta is limited and no one really supports metal music, Mr Manche said – Dying Signals was looking beyond these shores. The band would need to infiltrate the US, Germany and the UK, where that kind of music is still going strong.

How to wipe out all the hard work of your fellow metal bands in Malta . Well done, lads.

Ok, they’re young… maybe a little naive, having only played ten gigs and all of those on home turf. Just mentioning that you were signed and would be touring abroad would have sufficed!

We have a saying in Brum and possibly the rest of the UK, and hopefully at least one member of Dying Signals will have heard it, as he is English. The saying goes:

Don’t sh*t in your own backyard!

 


 

 

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GBH & Drongos For Europe in Ashton Under Lyne

This is gonna be feckin’ awesome. We’re still pinching ourselves and feel privileged to be playing alongside punk legends GBH and Drongos For Europe. Tickets available here.

 

Hope to see you there!

SLAB

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Best Before stickers for music.

Best Before dates on our food packaging are apparently up for a make-over to alleviate confusion and prevent people throwing out products that may be perfectly fine. By law, pre-packed food must display a “best-before” date. The FSA guidance states that, when this date expires, “it doesn’t mean that the food will be harmful, but it might begin to lose its flavour and texture”.

 

So, here’s my proposal. Let’s have Best Before stickers on music. These stickers would have to be much larger than the ones you find on your box of eggs, or your slab (sorry!) of wensleydale. There wouldn’t be a specific date, just a polite phrase to warn you of any harm that could be caused to your street cred/life/neighbours/pets/car stereo, etc.

Here’s some examples for specific artists:

Lighthouse Family: Best Before you kick the stool away.

Michael Buble (pronounced Mickey Bubbles): Best Before preparing your meal for one.

T-Pain: Best Before realising he’s copied Cher, vocally. Enough said.

Ting Tings: Best Before you realise they have a fragrance out and it makes Mariah Carey’s smell good.

Florence & the Machine: Best Before they sell all their tracks to every TV ad agency possible.

Dragonforce: Best Before you notice every song is like a Sega Megadrive game.

My Chemical Romance (pronounced My Chemical Toilet): Best Before daddy not  getting  you the right coloured bike for your birthday and now you’re painting your bedroom walls black.

Beyonce: Best Before noticing you’ve bought an album entitled Bidet (pronounced B’Day).

Vampire Weekend: Best Before I come round your house and give your stereo both barrels and reload. What we’re you thinking?!

Kaiser Chiefs: Best Before seeing them on telly at every single bleedin’ festival and hoping the red-faced pr*ck’s head may explode at any moment.

Any suggestions are very welcome…

HyperSmash

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Hitman Diaries

Our good mate, John Glynn Davies has created a surreal and engrossing world within the scribings of the Hitman Diaries. Part comic, part diary, his creepy illustrations and the even creepier thought-processes of the protagonist leave you a) wondering where your head’s just been taken to and b) wanting more of this anecdotal sick puppy. Think The Catcher in the Rye all-day-drinking with the House of Leaves and you’re halfway there.

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More Dr Seuss!!! Yay!!!

New Dr Seuss stories compiled and published this year!!

The only antidote to a world gone mad and Dan Brown novels.

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Discogs.com

If you’re in need of some extra cash (who isn’t?) and you’ve got an attic full of old vinyl, cassettes, or music videos gathering dust – or your Lighthouse Family cds are just too embarrassing; then take a look at Discogs.com

If you register with them, then you’ll have access to a user-built database containing information on artists, labels, and their recordings, plus a marketplace where you can buy and sell the recordings. Discogs is constantly growing as users submit releases to the database.

Registering is free and listing items for sale on Discogs is free. You only pay a 6 – 8% fee when your items sell. No need to type up detailed item descriptions. The info is already here. Discogs users are auto-notified when items they want are listed. So much easier than Ebay!

I’ve sold about twenty items over the last few months, including a cassette for thirty quid to a guy in China! You can use Paypal, so payment can be ultra quick.

Give it a whirl. You’ll be surprised what music people are searching for out there and it might just be in your attic doing sweet f.a. More than 4 million people look for music on Discogs every month, so what are you waiting for?!

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February 2011

February brought us a plethora of album reviews and a couple of memorable gigs. Reviews-wise we’re well chuffed: Terrorizer, Zero Tolerance and various webzines seem to be embracing the new album with open arms. This month brings the Metal Hammer review: 8 out of 10!! Get in!! Still waiting on Kerrang!, but any magazine that needs a Christmas break from album reviews, probably needs a lie down and a back rub after listening to our sh*t!!

The Wagon & Horses‘s gig was a blinder. A top local venue and if Sirius Promotions keep to their DIY ethics, then great things could happen here. We need more promoters like them who aren’t out to just make a quick buck! Thanks to Scrage for opening the show, and Oar for their bone-crunching support. Slab send their best wishes to Josh & Nicky as they embark on their new life in Vietnam.

Sunday 27th Feb was a night to remember. Supporting Viking Skull was just brain-melting. Scruffy’s was rammed and Alunah got the crowd warmed-up to boiling. We played a hectic set and Yi Zi Er Shi was vocally brutalised (in a good way!) by the legend that is Mr Kris Godsize. Then came the beery, leery monster: the unstoppable Viking Skull… And f*ck me, can they rock! I wanna go to Skull Heaven, man, please! We had some quality chin-wag/boozing time with them and will hopefully get to support them again real soon. A big thanks to Heretic Promotions and Kieran Godsize.

DreamHost coupon

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Prok’s Birthday Bash at The Roadhouse

Ok so this isn’t a run-of-the-mill gig for Slab. We’re not the kind of band you’re going to want to hire for your wedding or your granny’s 90th. But for me this gig has an underlying message of bands being mates and  showing their appreciation of one another. Plus Prok’s birtday cake is going to be a giant pork pie!!

Prok plays (shreds to death) guitar for the amazing Morgue Orgy and we’ve been band bros since meeting them at a gig at The Market Tavern (Digbeth) way back in 2006. Then they were the ‘fake-blood splattered’ Just Like Jimmy. We thought they were incredible and we got the feeling they were impressed with us.

(How can I not like a band that christened me Barbara and has a keyboard player who’d chop my head off and eat my brains given the chance?)

In this DIY age of getting your music heard, you need friends out there.

So my message in this post is: help other bands out.

Times are hard enough for music without being aloof and promoting one-upmanship.

Here’s to Prok and his pork pie!!!

Slab’s Big Jim.

(Update) 22nd March 2011:

Prok’s B’day Bash was a great night. The Roadhouse is such a brilliant venue, the only gripe being the sound restrictions. Whilst sound-checking, the engineer was still not happy with my bass being too loud; problem was the gain had been gradually decreased to 1 on the amp’s settings. Any lower and I may as well have turned my rig off!! D.I. unplugged and I was good to go with just my Laney belting it out.

We did Prok proud, I think. And the spread he put on was enough for an army. Spongebob cake and pork pie go soooooo well together. Great to see Trist completely out of his skull and Carter managed to behave himself, just about. Enter Captain Ben and his newly broken leg! The accident had happened only days before whilst Morgue Orgy were filming their new video, at the Roadhouse!! Apparently they’ve got it all on film and have synced a scream to coincide with the moment of Ben’s agony! Sheesshh!

Get Well Soon, Captain!

And a Big, Big Thanks to Prok for asking us to play!

 

 

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Our new banner for myspace

myspace gets our vote of non-confidence

Our new banner for myspace which redirects people away from it asap.

Myspace 3.0, Dead Space 3 more like!

What a pile of shite!!

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Indigenous Ecuadoran woman humbles US oil giant

She has no legal training, and doesn’t speak the Spanish that dominates government in Quito but indigenous villager Maria Aguinda helped bring a landmark judgment against US oil giant Chevron for polluting the rain forest she calls home.

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